Fan! Fan!! Fan!!!

My first attempt at grilling was with a charcoal grill. I had watched people grill with a charcoal grill and it always looked easy. Watching always seems easy, like when you watch a football game on TV and you wonder why the player didn’t just toss the ball into the net. Until you get into the field, then you realize that it is harder than it looks. After my first grill, I had a greater respect for the people who sell roasted corn by the roadside.

It takes a whole lot of energy, time and skill to keep the fire burning and burning at the right temperature to get the perfect finish when grilling with live fire. To keep the fire burning, you will need to constantly fan the flames. This is the most difficult part of the whole process.

Our love life as married couples go through this same process. When we meet the love of our lives and get married, a fire is kindled, we are excited about our lives together, we can’t keep our eyes off each other, we walk hand in hand, we text and call uncountable times a day. The fire is burning! And we think it will never quench. But just like a real fire, the flames begin to go down. We get busy with life, we forget to keep fanning the flames and then the fire finally dies down.

Is it possible to keep your marriage as day one? Yes it is, but you have to be intentional about it. You must go through the hard work of fanning the flames. Food taste nicer when you spice it up, Cakes look nicer when you ice it, even life and marriage is more enjoyable when you spice it up. The truth is that every marriage goes through a slack period. Couples fall into that “she knows I love her, I don’t need to prove it anymore” or “We are already married, I don’t need to dress to impress anymore”. It gets even worse when children begin to come as couples shift focus and pay greater attention on the children and sometimes, forget about themselves. We should always remember that Children are a product of a marriage and not a part of the marriage.

So while you create time for the products of the marriage, do not neglect the marriage itself. It needs its own nurture, care and attention to enable it blossom and stay on fire.

We have done some things to keep the flames of our marriage burning. One of the first things we did was to create what we called a ‘fun timetable’. We did this because we wanted to make it a habit. The timetable felt mechanical at first, but it helped us stay consistent. Eventually, the timetable left but the habit stayed.

Keeping your fire burning doesn’t have to cost a lot of money. We had movie date nights; got in the car and took a drive around town with no destination in mind; took short unplanned trips; exchanged surprise gifts; planned a treasure hunt; took walks together; planned indoor and outdoor picnics, we celebrate milestones, to mention a few. Our list keeps evolving as we strive to have the most fun out of everyday activities. We do different things – big, small, expensive and cheap. The most important thing is that we are doing something and we are doing it together.

These simple activities helped us build memories together, each memory served as its own stroke, keeping the fire burning.

Keeping your marriage fire burning is one of the ways to keep you from growing old on each other and it gives you something new to look forward to.

ANNOUNCEMENT! This weekend, as we mark another milestone in our marriage walk, we will be giving out 12 copies of the newly released book and workbook “Husband Material” written by our friend Anietie Bature to our single friends. If you would like a copy, please indicate in the comments section with your email address and we will reach out to you. Please note, It will be on a first come, first serve basis.

We love to hear from you so please share your thoughts on the post with us and tell a friend.


  • paikhuele

    I love your analogy of the grilling process! Marriage is a school that we never graduate from; as we allow the Holy Spirit to give us our peculiar “Flame Fanning” tips!

  • Ayara Lucky

    Invaluable wisdom for couples. May God continue to help us put in the effort required. Thank you for sharing

  • Omolola Oni

    Hmmmmm…. Seriously I learnt lot from this piece . This is a great deal of lesson. I need to keep fanning the flame. Thank you ma/sir for this reminder.

  • Faith+Patrick

    Thank you so much for the read, can you please also give us practical steps to take on how to keep fanning the flames? And please I need the husband material book too😭🙏

  • Ifeanyı Sılas Ihekaıre

    Thank you Pastor.

    Please I will need a copy of the book. Thank you.

    Best regards.

  • Ifeanyı Sılas Ihekaıre

    Thank you Pastor.

    Please I will need a copy of the book.

    Best regards.

  • Uche Centnuel Iheonye

    Another great read.
    Thank you for always giving out important words in the simplest language and scenario.

    Please I am interested in the book.

  • Affiong John Abakasanga

    Yeah yeah, Fan fan fan! This is an intentional act else that marriage will go sour. I consciously and intentionally fan the flames. After the day’s responsibilities and caring for the children, immediately it’s their bed time by 9pm, that’s when our fun time begins. Usually a romantic🙈 and interesting 😍moment😍🥰😍🥰 .
    Thank you so much my Pastors for this great reminder.
    Happy weekend my beloved Pastors.

    I will need a copy of the book by Mrs. Bature.
    Thank you my Pastors.

  • Emem

    I enjoyed reading this and it’so true. We must keep fanning those flames so the fire keeps burning.

  • Nancy+Abraham

    Thank you for the gift.

  • Nancy+Abraham

    Thank you for this reminder. Fanning the flames is easy to forget when one is struggling to meet up with responsibilities of a growing family. We will make better effort by God’s grace.
    I will love to have a copy of the book and workbook”Husband material “

  • Chukwudi Abazie

    This is really inspiring I must say. I pray for you for more enablement. I am interested in the book “Husband Material”

  • mercyikot

    Learnt something vital for keeps in today’s edition, thanks for sharing! Please I would like a copy of the book,

  • Isiaku Nwagbara

    Thanks for sharing. Quite inspiring. My hands are up for husband material.

  • Isiaku Nwagbara

    Thanks for sharing. Quite inspiring. I will need the book ” Husband material.

Leave a Reply

Follow My Blog

…Get new content delivered directly to your inbox

© 2024 Lifeandbecoming