I Love my Friendships ‘Organic’

Today is June 6th, just another day you may think, but one worth taking a stroll down memory lane. As my first friend in life marks her birthday today, I cannot help but remember all things friendships. Interestingly, we met in our mother’s wombs as they sat close to each other chatting away for the most part of nine months. While our mothers hung out, we little fetuses developed our own unique chemistry. She came out one month before me and gained seniority bragging right. I can imagine that she came over to say hello as soon as I arrived. I have made so many more friends since that encounter in the early 80’s and as I grew up, my family moved around a lot because of Dad’s job; which means I had to make new friends at least every three years. I stayed in touch with some and lost some along the way. I guess you can blame it on time, distance and maybe just my unwillingness to expend the required energy. Alexa and I stayed close and regardless of distance, we always found a way of reconnecting and playing catch up.

Fast forward to Present day, as my family and I transitioned into a new city, we received some friendship referrals from our dear friends and family. While I appreciated the kind gesture, I found myself responding to one of my dear friends with words that conveyed that, as much as I will love to inherit your friends, I prefer my friendships ‘Organic’. She is a fighter and since she felt strongly about it, she made her case, I agreed to take the number with my own set of terms and conditions.

The thing about friendship by referral is that most times, they tend to be like genetically modified foods (GMO). They inherit the genetics of the founding relationship, creating an unconscious expectation that if you are a friend of my friend then you must be like my friend in most ways. Sometimes, GMO friends assume a closeness that has not yet materialized. Trust is often assumed and the relationship skips the test and trials that strengthen the bonds of a true and lasting friendship.

I am not opposed to meeting people through people but I prefer to follow up each encounter with close observance before opening up my world to new people, letting things take a natural flow. After all, you can’t go wrong with slow and steady. When things are rushed, it could lead to broken trust and create a situation that rocks even the founding relationship.

Organic friendships on the other hand, evolve and take baby steps because friendship that last is built over a period of getting to know each other, testing boundaries, and gaining trust over time. People make friends for all sorts of reasons – character, religion, political affiliation, tribe, physical appearance, fashion sense, popularity, wealth, and status. Even having a certain type of accent will easily make this list. Just imagine with me for a second that the ability to speak with a British or American accent can bring with it a certain type of audience, quite amusing I must say. My personal take on making friends is that you start by looking out for people who think like you and share your values, remember only birds of the same feather flock together. Then you would need to put in the time and energy to grow and build because relationships like every other thing in life requires effort. I find that if you invest in relationships, you can be sure that you have an emotional bank somewhere that you can rely on in certain seasons of life.

Recently, I read that you are the average of the five people that you call your friends. If this is true, then you need to ensure your circle keeps you balanced, motivated and uplifted. I try to be very intentional about my friends, I don’t like ‘wahala‘ (unnecessary trouble) and as I think of my ‘Five’, I feel a smile building up, like a proud hunter happy with the day’s catch. I think of my friends as Team Possible, they believe in me, cheer me on and are not afraid to look me in the eyes and confront me with the bitter truth that reminds me of who I am, forcing me to auto-correct. They do not get blown away by the wind or washed away by the tsunamis that may hit my life. Under the scorching sun and the thunderous rain, they eat with me, laugh with me, pray with me, cry with me and play with me.

You will go through many seasons in life, good, bad, ugly, and indescribable. You are not meant to walk alone, spend some time reflecting on your inner circle and ask yourself two simple questions – will I go to war for these people, take note of your answer. Then ask yourself a second question, will they go to war with me? Let your answers lead you to take action.

Note to Self – A friend that sticks closer than a brother is a product of a deliberate investment to grow the relationship. Go organic and enjoy what true friendship has to offer because in life, the right relationships matter.

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Have a great week ahead.


  • Kingsley Effiong

    Hmmm this is quite very interested. I for one take keen and meticulous steps when choosing my friends. I don’t believe in a big circle of friends as a matter if fact I’ve actually got just one best friend, and we doing great!! I believe who you tag along with determines to a large extend how far you go in life. Thanks for this ma

  • jossylink

    One of the beauties of “Organic” friendship is: people can’t gossip them to you because, you know what they’re capable of.

    It’s also fun, when they attempt to lie to you and looked them in the eyes and smile, they know what that means and they know what to do immediately.

    Thank you Thelma & Idoreyin, I never thought of the “Closed 5” I think, I really need to do this.

  • Adetayo

    This is insightful. Have to spend more time reflecting. Thanks


    Wow! I have had series of friends who were there for one reason or the other. But this write up is my eye opener, CAN THIS FRIEND OF MINE GO TO WAR WITH ME AND I DO SAME FOR THE FRIEND?
    With this rhetorical question, my answer is i have just 1 friend who will go to war with me. Truly organic friends stand the test of time.
    God bless you Pastors.

    • Thank you for the comment, we are glad you enjoyed the read and spent some time reflecting.

  • Aniekeme Ukpong

    Great article. Recently I too have been thinking alot about friendships.
    I have been preparing for a talk to some youths on the subject.
    Great insight

    • Great timing for younger folks as they navigate life, it is important who they have on their team. We wish you all the best, let us know if we can be of any help.

  • Toosh Baba

    Friends are necessary for growth. It may be okay to have lone moments, but NOT live in a lonely world. Then again, there’s work to be done and we all play a huge part in it. Because, FRIENDS could either make us or mar us, that’s why being deliberate is key. Don’t confuse acquaintances for friends. Be intentional about it and understand too that humans are only humans, and God is God, it’ll help in not expecting much and having the courage to let go if need be. Trust God always and really..be A GOOD FRIEND.

    Lovely read! Thank you lifeandbecoming.

  • nkure

    Beautiful read! I have learnt new terms today on friendship, organic and GMO friends. Whichever term, can he/she go to war with me? That’s the conclusion of the whole matter. Still digesting it. Thank you so much.

      • Joy

        I find that the friends I made in my childhood are the more organic than the ones made as an adult. Does anyone else feel the same?. Thank you for the write up. It made me reflect on my current circle.

        • It all depends on the process, if you thoughtfully and intentionally seek out value added relationships, no matter the age, you can still have healthy relationships. Thank you for your comment.

  • Owoyi Esiere

    This is a very beautiful write up. It calls all of us to a place of deep reflection. ‘CAN THIS FRIEND GO TO WAR WITH ME?’

    • Answering that question really puts things in perspective for us when it comes to friends. Thank you

  • Inemella

    Great !!!!! God bless you.

  • Inemella

    Great !!!!! God bless you.

  • Abiola Ighalo

    Thank you for this write up. I have had friends..still having friends but the true ones are and will be my investments. My prayer is that God to always give me a discerning spirit to know when and where to draw the line in Jesus name. God bless you guys

  • Love the picture!😊😊😊

    Hmmmm friends….God’s gift to us to push each of us along our divine destiny path. So grateful to Him for blessing me with a few life long friends!

  • Nancy Abraham

    Thanks for this write-up. By virtue of my extroverted personality and by practicing Prov. 18:24, I have enjoyed valuable, precious relationships at different seasons of my life. There were times I mistook some of them as friends, skipping the tests and trials that strengthen the bond of a true and lasting friendship, but there were those that truly stuck closer than a brother. Truly, friendship is an investment. If done right, it is a very fulfilling one.

    • Rin Temlong

      I can totally relate.


    This writing is highly recommended and worth the read. Thanks Lifeandbecoming for your weekly intentional, informative and inspiring post. It’s quite impressive and profound. I commend you for sharing your life’s journey and experiences with us.
    It is also important to note that some friendships are sometimes brief with a reason while others are long lasting and meaningful. It’s not about how long but how well. While it last enjoy the moment and be intentional. If it ends sooner that plan, just learn from the lesson that season has to offer.

    • Yes indeed. It is also good to know the seasons some friends come and why they are there. Helps us to understand when their job is done and they leave. Thanks for your comment.

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